Perception

I just re-read my last post and I realized that it comes off as kind of insecure and self-depreciating. I'm actually fairly confident most of the time, even if I do tend to be rather shy. If I really want something, I go for it. However, I'm very stubborn, and so it'll take me a while to convince myself that I want something badly enough to really go for it.

This train of thought let me to reflect upon some of my conversations with my sister and many conversations that I've shared with my dad. I find it interesting that Courtney and I are so different from one another in personality, but so similar in background, ideas, beliefs, and opinions. Being overly blunt, I once told her that if we were not sisters, I don't think we would be friends. Since we are sisters, we are the best of friends. I have nothing against people with Courtney's dramatic and bold personality traits, but I usually do not seek them out and sometimes I don't feel much of a connection with those who have this type of personality.

Similarly, Courtney has made several comments about people who are not friendly and how they annoy her. I am quick to point out that I am not usually all that friendly. For example, when I'm in a crowd of strangers, I shrink back and listen. I'm not the type to boldly introduce myself to everyone and engage the others in conversation until I know them very well. My sister is nice enough to tell me that it's different with me, but I don't think she would seek out my friendship if we weren't siblings either. That's kind of sad for me to think about.

My dad has told me that he was once like me. He said that his mission helped him to lose most of the self-consciousness and shyness that he once had. He once said that some people perceived me as stuck-up and even hinted that he had spoken with someone who had said as much. (I really want to know who it was!) I can see how they would think that, but I still don't like it. I'm actually very friendly and open with people I know well. When I'm with strangers, or even just acquaintances, I tend to clam up. This probably augments the stuck-up persona. I'm wondering if there is an event or life experience in store for me that will help me in this area.

I love making new friends, and I think I'm getting better at it. I've found that books are good companions, but nothing can make up for people friends :)